Strength Grows In The Moments Where You Think You Can't Go On, But You Keep Going Anyway

Hello, my beautiful readers.  I feel as though I've failed you for not checking in for so long.  I had a goal to blog consistently when I began and it seems as though curve balls have been thrown my way lately.

Some are laughable....getting broken up with by post it note (or more accurately - being let go of a job by having my email account and all of my logins deleted out from under me),   Some are annoying....this sickness that's settled into my chest for the past 2 weeks and won't leave.  And some are just heartbreaking.....

My grandma passed away on Saturday.

And life will never be quite the same.

I knew it was serious when I got the text on Friday to get to the hospital ASAP, and I knew as soon as I got there that she wasn't coming home.  I think she was aware that I was there in the room, but less than 24 hours later she was at peace.  No more chronic health issues, she was free of the pain.  But I wasn't.  My pain had just begun.

This weekend and past couple of days have been a blur of memories, supportive friends, constant family togetherness and sadness.

I'm still waiting for someone to piece me back together again, but I am also aware that this is not how it works.  I think we just learn to live in the brokenness of it all.

So, blogging has taken a backseat over the past couple of weeks.  But I also want to use it as a therapeutic boost, so consider yourself my personal psychologist, dear readers.

Eating well and working out completely went out the window Friday - Tuesday.  That's been the biggest gap I've had since last spring.  And I knew I was in trouble when watching TV last night with the hubs.  I saw an Arby's commercial and suddenly got hungry/developed a craving for fast food.  Prior to this I usually would feel disgust when I saw ads like that.

So today I made myself get up. And I decided to get back on the horse with Yoga X.  It's by far the longest workout of the series - 90 minutes.  But it was 90 minutes that I needed to just breathe.  And stretch.  And I honestly felt better afterwards.  Lunch was a salad - I miss and desperately need vegetables again.  I fell hard into comfort eating for those past few days.  At this point I think I will have to encourage myself on a daily basis to keep going.  But I know what I want to accomplish, and I know that sometimes you just gotta keep on keepin on.  Eventually the sun comes out again.  Just gotta push through the storms while I wait.